Back 40 Butchering .... Adventure Trip

I was so shocked by these events, that I had to email Stac, Nat & Linds. I just copied and pasted the email here....because, well, it's the best way to tell the story. I still feel like this has to have been a dream, but we ate some of the burgers the other night and all in all, didn't turn out too bad after all!
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Amish. Spring morning. My whole family and our sweet pup in the truck for a much needed “retreat”. Holy crap did our day go SOUTH in a hurry! HA So, back it up – we had offered Jacob a half a beef last fall as helpful as he was building fence, etc – except, our calves weren’t really growing that fast, but one of Robinson’s was, so we did a little swapperoo. New problem….Corona shuts down processing plants and all butchers in the area are now booked out to January……well shit. So Jason calls his buddy Jacob (say it like Ya-cob…..way more fun) at Back 40 Butchering in Rockville where he’s had some deer stuff done in the past, and Yacob says come on down on May 12, between 7am-9am to drop off. SURE THING, YACOB.

Jason loaded the steer last night and he was NOT happy. Wild thing tried hanging himself a few times last night in the trailer, but survived. So off we went, as the sun came up. We grabbed breakfast on our way, and had a great drive. We saw an Amish fella working ground behind 6 horses. We saw laundry out to dry. We saw a horse & buggy. It was so peaceful. We even had to laugh, because on Marshall Road we got stuck behind a tractor and landoll that was basically dragging the ground. For a mile and a half. See video. We got a good laugh out of this and thought that might be today’s entertainment. Nope.

We get to Yacob’s, and there are legit at least 4-5 Amish kids around, and I’m like in heaven. Jason backs up the trailer, being guided by a MAYBE 8 year old kid, who helps him unload the steer. Except, first time he backed up, it left too wide of a gap, so we repositioned…..but because the gates were wonky, still a gap. Kid asked if the steer is tame….meh, not bad……so he lets him out. He heads into the alley as he should, but the kid doesn’t throw a gate (read: can’t reach the latch to the rando gate they have because he’s, well, EIGHT), so the steer backs out and is now in the open, pissed, looking to get out. He heads into a side room with 50 gal drums of pig heads and guts and decides he’s not into that, so back into the alley, and basically stares Jason down and charges for him. Jason asked the kid for a gate, and the kid hands him an empty barrel……ya, no. Jason finally bales, steer does too, and I hear “Ugh, Kim, this ain’t good”…..along with a rumbling of Pennsylvania dutch and then a 15 year old boy going “well, we’ll just have to shoot him there and drag him up with the forklift”…….my kids heads are spinning, our steer is now headed to check out Ma’s garden as she’s watering/fertilizing, and the steer then bolts for the pasture and horses before jumping a fence and heading out into the pasture of cows, with three amish boys, 8-15 chasing them with butchershop machetes on their sides and rifles in the air.

Jason can’t stop giggling like “WTF is happening?” He finally steps into the back room and says to Yacob, “um, we’ve got a little bit of a problem here”……and when Yacob sees what’s up – he said, “well, that’s the boys fault, they  know you’ve got to back the trailer all the way up….they’ll figure it out. Let’s take your order”. Like, NBD that our steer we just drove an hour and half down here is running amok through their property whilst his three young sons chase it with a rifle and machetes! I cannot even make this shit up. Finally, we leave….because….what else can you do. Slowly we drive out, all the while Keaton’s peering out the back window, “Dad, slow down, I want to see them shoot it!” … Um, no. No you do not.

We head into town to get cash for me to visit my fave Amish store Peachys, laughing at the hilarity that we just left out for butcher steer racing through some Amish dudes pasture. We get cash, try to find Peachy’s, which, now has a new location before Jason goes back. He can’t stand not knowing if they caught it, and it’s not like you can call these people and they’ll quickly answer you. So we go back, and Yacob tells Jason they got it…..he’s just still out in the pasture. They come to a determination that it’d be really helpful if Jason can help pull it up because he can’t get the fork lift started. So Jason dolly’s down the trailer, and follows three Amish boys – the oldest maybe 15, along with a 4 & 6 year old, out to the pasture. Mom, daughters and baby girl are gardening like nothing bigs going on. So, we drive out, the kid hooks a chain to our dead steer while Colton encourages the bull (who’s freaking the fock out, and bawling like he just lost his Momma) to stay back….and we legit drag our calf out of the pasture. Which, mind you, had been “amish worked” and was rougher than hell. At this point, Jason and I are flat laughing out loud like this should be one of my or Dad’s weird ass dreams but this is REAL FREAKING LIFE…..we drop the calf/kid off at the gravel drive and head back up to re-attach the trailer. The 15 year old and his two little sidekicks get the forklift and haul our calf up to the butcher shop. Yacob thanks Jason, shakes his hand, tells him what a beautiful family we have, and off we go.

We legit could not stop laughing at the whole “WTF just happened” of our morning. The positives – I got some QT with adorable Amish kids running amok. My kids got memories that will last a life time, and hey, we’ll have beef in the freezer. The negatives might lie somewhere between Amish kids running with rifles and Keaton wanting to see the calf get shot, or maybe Emmalyn asking why it was bleeding so much. Not really sure.

We DID end up finding Peachy’s, which is now Jaytee’s. I DID get Amish Peanutbutter spread, which is LIFE GIVING. And I DID get two big beautiful baskets for my front porch out of the trip. And who knows, maybe therapy for my kids for the trauma of the morning. Who knows.