The kids have really been enjoy when I read them the Alexander book recently. I find this funny, since here lately I feel, in ways, like the main character. Good news, Alexander, they are making a movie about us...
Take today, for example. If I knew anything about statistics (and I wouldn't since that's one of those college classes where "D is for Diploma" was my passing strategy), I would say that today is the mean of most days lately. For you new to statistics, that means average. For you old to statistics, after reading this, you might say this is more than the mean. But I have no idea what that word is...
I digress....
Let me start by saying that last night, after multiple spilled drinks, dropped crumbs, and dusty shoes...I showed our wood floor some love. Some hands and knees and Mr. Clean love. My floors sparkled a pretty "I love you". Less than 5 minutes later, Keaton decided he was done with his milk, and chucked his cup on the floor. Leak proof my ass. And no, I didn't cry over spilled milk but I came darn close.
This morning, like most here lately, I got up at 5 to walk. When I got home, Jason and Keaton were waiting to greet the day. While I showered, Jason locked Keaton in his highchair to eat. Then, Jason left. This was 6:30am. All I really remember about the next hour of life, was Keaton making a trail of cinnamon toast crunch all over my house, while eating out of one of those "handy" "tidy" snack contrainers. I remember crocodile tears from Emmalyn....not from the giant knots I brushed out of her ratty hair, but because I put her hair in a ponytail. HOW DARE I!!! While she was crying, Colton came into the bathroom to ask if he could eat the heaping pile (at least half the box) of French toast sticks. More tears, and "your the meanest", when I limited him to 10. "You don't even know how hungry I am. You don't even care". In the mean time, I get Em to stop crying, and on Colton's way back to the kitchen, he hollars, "UGH. MOOMMMMM! Keaton's on the table again!!!!!" ...and of course, when I find him...he has had a good minute or two to be firmly shaking the salt and pepper shakers all over my table & floor. I put him down, gave a stern no, then walked back to finish getting ready...counting to ten, while his little heart was breaking. Oh, and did I mention, in the midst of this "fun", I'm texting about 4 people trying to come up with alternate carpool plans because Emmys best little friend was at the ER all night, and has croup, bronchitis and pneumonia? Ya. That's happening too. Then Chase's dad showed up at our barn and instead of getting shoes on it was 10,000 questions about why Chase's dad (a conservation officer) was here. As if I had a clue. At 7:40, we finally left. Likely with a trail of cinnamon toast crunch all through the house....
Fast forward to my weight watcher app not working all day, me caving to the candy on the counter at work, and my computer locking up all day.
I get to Pam's, and George and Addi meet me in the drive, and George tells me we need to have a chat with "you know who", because he did something bad. I teased him that I would talk with keaton, and his mom jumps in, "no. It's fine. We just got back from the dentist, because Colton knocked George's teeth out, and loosened another one. Thankfully they were all baby teeth!" (See, Alexander, it really can be worse...)
Well. Colton really did do that. It wasn't a lie. Pam said they no sooner got off the bus, and the kids were chasing each other, though she's told them a million times not to, and colton accidentally shoved George too hard, and he fell onto a toy, and literally knocked his two front teeth out. (Ya, you can laugh. This is my real life....) Poor Colton felt awful, and to make matters worse, George is the babysitters grandson, and Addi, is the one who was in the ER all night. Pretty sure we didn't help Heather's (mom) day get any better either...but at least the kids are still cute, even without a few teeth...
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| Toothless George & Addi |
I'm not sure what wins...this morning or this evening. Maybe they tied. Add Keaton peeing on my carpet just now, fresh out of the bath to my list of fun stories. The fun NEVER. STOPS.
So, Alexander, I'm sorry you're too young for a beer, but it sure helped me out tonight. Thank goodness my WW app still isn't working, so I could drink it remotely guilt free. Oh, and Colton got pink, the best he can on his behavior chart, for the third time this week. That kind of helped heal my wounds too....
As Alexander's mom says in the book,
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